Inside My Crazy Chemo Filled Mind

A few thoughts I have had over the past couple of days. I write them down so I do not forget. Losing time and days is still an issue right now. A cruel side effect of getting better. My thoughts here may not make sense as you read them, but they will hopefully make sense to me when I reread what I had been thinking at the moment I documented them.


Friday May 22, 2015

Cancer is a horrible horrible disease. Treatment is cruel and inhuman at times. But cancer can also be positive. You make every moment a little more important, you meet new life friends, you listen to advice with a different mind and actually take positive action on said advice. Your family becomes more important and you wonder why they were not before. You NEVER take anything for granted because every moment is special. Even the moments of treatment become special. They are special because you know that you are one step closer to the rest of your long life without fighting. Maybe you are put on this difficult journey because there was a few things that needed to be put into check? Is this a drastic journey you have been given? Well, yes it is. But we are all given only as much as we can handle, right? So, right now, today, I will thank cancer for giving me new life relationships, for bringing me closer to my family, for making my current friendships stronger, and for making me a stronger fighter.


A paragraph from a book I have been reading. It explains a lot.

Cancer cannot and will not define the rest of my life. I refuse to be paralyzed by what-if's or to live in anticipation of my inevitable demise. It will, for some period, occupy a rather prominent place in my consciousness, but I will not permit it to consume me or the members of my family, who must also cope and adapt. It will be given it's due priority, no more, no less.


I finish today's post with --

Cancer is an amazing disease, really it is. It is a true competitor, it has only one goal and that is to destroy, to take over, to ultimately be the WINNER. What it cannot do is understand the strength of the human body or the strength of the person it is trying to invade. Our bodies are made up of so many incredible defenses. At first cancer thinks it is winning. Confusing all of our cells, having them attack it's foreign existence. It knows that the body alone will not conquer the violence it has ensued upon our cells. It is arrogant and immature. Cancer does not know there are outside forces waiting to stop the violence that has begun. The body it has chosen to invade has many allies. There will be casualties, millions of white blood cells will die as this war begins. Small battles are fought and many small battles are lost. But this is not the end. The generals have seen this enemy we call cancer many times. Cancer has educated our defenses. And the army of doctors, nurses, friends, family and the all important YOU will win the war.