Hodgkins Lymphoma

This week I found out I have Hodgkin's Lymphoma. After being ill since Oct 2013 I was actually relieved to finally have a diagnosis, one that I can understand easier than my previous illness, osteomyelitis. Osteomyelitis, an inflammation or infection of the bone. Mine was said to be in my spine. Nine weeks of large amounts of antibiotics and a new MRI revealed that I was not improving. In fact, the mass in my spine had increased and I added two lovely lumps to the collection. My PCP ordered a CT Scan which was followed immediately by a biopsy of the lumps on my chest. He also set up an appointment with a hematologist/oncologist. This week has been a whirlwind of doctor visits and tests.

I don't even know what I really feel about all of this? Sometimes I want to cry and not because I am sad or scared, but because I am very angry about having cancer. I don't want to be extremely sick for 6mths, I don't want to lose my hair, I don't like not being able to work, I don't like that others will need to take care of me. I HATE that my children, husband and friends will worry about me. I am not good at needing help from others. I want to wake up every morning and be able to go for a run. I don't care that I will be able to run again someday, I want to do it now.

And damnit we had to cancel our beautiful vacation to ME with my husband's family. I AM SO ANGRY!! SO I AM SAYING Fxxx YOU CANCER!