Positive Progression

Today, while I was running I thought a lot about how I have progressed after my transplant. In +133 days I have almost regained my weekly mileage from before I became ill. Not running at the same pace I used to, that is a little frustrating, but I am running.  I talked to myself about being more consistent with my running. I have a theory that if I keep running and adding miles, I will remove those leftover chemotherapy poisons quicker. This really may not be the case, but it still makes me feel better. In reality, it is the running that makes me feel better.

Sunday is day +136 post transplant and I will run my second 5K race since. I am hoping to run a little faster than last month. I did not feel I could push myself on my first return race, a little nervous about it all, but this time I am excited.  A race a month, building up to a half marathon on my 1 year anniversary.

Today, I also think about my oldest daughter. Her father passed away a few days ago at the age of only 52. He was an alcoholic and his body could not manage the constant abuse any longer. She was young when we divorced. It comforts me, as well as her, to think about the good memories. He was not able to escape his demons but he did provide some good memories.  I don't think I will ever understand the struggles of those that cannot over come. But I do have compassion for what they are going through.

The unconditional love for my family and will to live keeps a fire burning in my soul. I use that flame to push myself through days when I really don't want to do anything. On days that I am reminded of the cancer journey I have completed and still must travel as a survivor.  My memory still plays tricks on me and exhaustion will decide I need to be reminded I am still healing. I give into the exhaustion and sleep. Sleep helps you heal. But the memory, the memory I fight. Our brains are amazing organs with the ability to heal and repair many things. I couldn't will myself to cure cancer, but I can will myself to recover as quickly as possible.

I have said before, don't let an illness be the reason you BEGIN to do better, begin NOW. Enjoy your family and friends more, enjoy life more, exercise and eat well.